Thursday, April 27, 2017

So Many, Many, Many, Ways To Die (during National Poetry Month) by L. A. Kelley

April is National Poetry Month. In honor of the occasion my contribution is below. (Note this is National Poetry Month, not National Good Poetry Month.)

So Many, Many, Many Ways to Die
by L. A. Kelley

Will I drown you in the tub?
Beat your brains out with a club?
Swap your packs of Sweet’N Low for cyanide?
Once you’re sound asleep in bed
Voila! A bullet through the head.
So many, many, many ways to die.

If I laced your diet cola
With a tincture of ebola
You’d hardly have the time to wave goodbye.
A well-delivered slice
With a chain saw should suffice.
So many, many, many ways to die.

You wouldn't have a fun day
If you’re flattened by my Hyundai.
Crushed organs leave a person less than spry.
A Hefty bag’s facilitation
Simplifies asphyxiation.
So many, many, many ways to die.

C4’s pronounced kaboom
Would precipitate your doom.
You’d be teensy bits before I blink an eye.
One quick shove into the freezer?
A deveining with a tweezer?
So many, many, many ways to die

Since I caught you in the act
With your mistress in the sack
Your cheating heart I can no more deny.
For me, the best solution
Is a simple execution.
So many, many, many, ways to die.

I won’t ruin the surprise
With the date of your demise
Just know I have the perfect alibi.
So when next we meet, my dear,
You’ll be on the funeral bier
For I’ve decided on the way for you to die.

$3.99 or Free on Kindle Unlimited
L. A. Kelley writes science fiction and fantasy adventures with humor, romance, and touch of sass. Her husband is devoted to her. For information on all her books, check out
L. A. Kelley's Amazon Author Page.


Maureen said...

lol- loved it!

CJ Burright said...

That's one awesome poem! Deveining by tweezer *snort*

Victoria Craven said...

I love it.

Francesca Quarto said...

Very fun! Poetry is a perfect tool for falling into the rhythm of life and death. Thanks for sharing!

Francesca Q.

Diane Burton said...

Haha. Remember the song 50 Ways toLeave Your Lover?