Saturday, February 3, 2018

Those New Year's Resolutions

We’ve made our resolutions. Like some of you, I told myself this is it, I’m going to lose weight, I’m going to exercise, and most of all I’m going to write, A few weeks later I’m still looking out the window like a cat sitting on the windowsill “I should be writing right now,” I tell myself, but I continue to stare out the window. As I gaze out into the grey wasteland, I’m also thinking about eating. “What can I eat?” For my new year’s resolution, I cleaned out the fridge, but there is that glimmer of hope that I left a box of Taquitos in the back on the right-hand corner of the freezer. To my great delight there, they were, hiding behind the frozen chopped kale. What was I thinking, kale, really?  As I look down at the box I’m saying to myself, “Do not eat that, you’ll just regret it later.” What does my conscious know? I open the box and place the deep-fried happiness on a plate, and stick it into the microwave.

As I watch it spin I’m at war with myself, don’t eat that, you’ll be sorry, but I justify it by saying, “There are starving children all over the world,” Now I’m obligated to eat those Taquitos.

I joined a gym a couple of years ago. I never went. Every week I would justify why I couldn’t go, but I would most definitely go next week. Nope. I kept the membership anyway, just in case I get motivated. Every month they would take money out of my account and I felt guilty for not going. There’s a theme here, guilt.

Last year I made a resolution to lose weight. So, I signed up for the Medical Weight Loss Center, and it cost a ton of money. With this program you have to practically dip into your 401K to pay for it.  I thought, now I’m invested.  I had to lose weight. If I didn’t, I just lost the money I could have bought a car with. (slight exaggeration).

At first it was great, very motivational. I’m excited, after four days I was in the honeymoon phase. I lost a couple of pounds in the first week, and I was ready to throw confetti. Week three, and I’m jonesin for a Twinkie. After every meal, or a snack, I started watching the clock, two hours before I could eat again. When I got to fifteen minutes before my allotted time, I was watching the clock like a freshman in highschool. A rice cake never looked so good.

I logged everything I ate. What a pain that was. I had to measure and weigh everything, and I had to show them my log. It was like a report card that I had to take to a parent every day, and if I had a low weight loss, my adviser looked at me with those accusing eyes that said, What did you do?
 squirmed, then blurt out, “I had some salt on Friday, ok. I’m sorry, I was weak.”

They would give me a condescending sigh, “Vicki, Vicki, Vicki, you know better.”

Properly chastised, I was contrite, my shoulders slumped, “I know, it won’t happen again.”

It was very effective, and eventually, I lived up to my commitment and hit my goal. Weighing in the last time was a big celebration for me. I got my picture on their wall to prove it.

What does this all have to do with writing? Well, it’s all about commitment. You have to work hard at it, and never give up. Even though you may be blocked, write something, anything that will get you back on the path, and reach your goals.

What are your goals this year?

Here's a little something I've been working on.
Life was draining from her like water from a pitcher that had been upended. The poison was spreading.
Looking down at the newborn child sleeping in her arms heart filled with sadness, she would never know her daughter, never watch her grow up. Tears welled in her eyes and ran down her cheeks. Her husband sat helplessly beside her. There was nothing he could do except watch the love of his life die.
“How can I live without you?” His voice cracked on a sob.
Weakly, she raised her hand and touched his cheek, wiping away his tears. “You will survive for our daughter’s sake.” She took a strained breath. “You must always keep her safe, keep her hidden until she becomes of age. She is a Light Bearer and as long as she lives her life will be in danger.”
“Shhh, you should rest,” he whispered.
“There is no time, my love. Soon I’ll be standing beside the Goddess.” Her husband bowed his head, more tears streamed down his face. She already mourned him. Lara looked deep into her baby’s blue eyes “The light is within her. She will need your strength, Manu. He touched a small curl of hair around his baby’s face. It spoke volumes about the love he had for his child.
It was becoming more difficult for Lara to breathe, she dragged in every breath. More than anything she wanted to close her eyes and let the Goddess take her, but not yet, she had to say what must be said.
“Take her away, Manu and tell no one where you’re going. Keep her away from the city.”
“I will, I promise you.”
It was a great effort slipping the amulet holding the light stone from her neck. “Give this to her when she becomes of age.”  She closed his fingers around it.
Worry furrowed his brow. “The moment she puts it on she will be discovered, not only by a Light Wielder, but our enemy, as well.”
“I have faith that whoever can wield the light will find her first.”
Lara was growing cold, she was on the brink of her death. “I will miss you. Our parting gives me great sadness, for you are the love of my life.”
“And you have been mine, my sweet Lara.”
The Goddess will watch over you, and have faith that I will always be by your side.” He touched his forehead to hers. “Take care of our child,” she whispered.
“With my life, I promise you.”
It was time for her to let go and into the Goddess’ loving arms. Gently, she placed a kiss on her daughter’s forehead and breathed in her sweet scent. “I wish you a good life, my dear heart, I will always love you.”
As her life slipped away she silently prayed to the light stone, keep her safe. Then her spirit slipped away and into the Goddess’ loving arms.


Diane Burton said...

Vicki, I know what you're going through. No answers, though. Definitely, no advice. Do your best. The piece you're working on sounds great. Keep at it.

Nancy Gideon said...

Tons of emotion in your scene. Keep at it!!!

Elizabeth Alsobrooks said...

Great work. Never give up. Just keep plugging away.