What Losing Control Taught Me About Life and Writing

By Maureen L. Bonatch

Happy Labor Day! Enjoy your celebration of the American worker and the unofficial end of summer with a hot dog or two. Or perhaps rebelliously declare your intention of wearing white long past the season. Sixteen years ago, this holiday took on a different meaning for me and changed my mindset despite my resistance. 

I gained two babies, and lost all my control.

In 2001 I was pregnant with twins. (The first hint of my loss of control was when my pregnancy turned out to be a BOGO.) In my obsessive Virgo control-freak mind, I decided the girls would be born on Labor Day. It made perfect sense with the play on the word “labor”. Also I would be 36-weeks pregnant that day and the girls lungs should be adequately developed.

Imagine my surprise when my water broke a week prior to Labor Day.

This Wasn’t the Plan

I’ve always liked to be in control when it comes to planning my life. My writing? Not so much, I’m what you call one of those who write by the seat of my pants. (Panster)

In order to survive twin babies I became more organized than ever. (Have you ever used a feeding and poop chart? Believe me, if you don’t, and you’re only getting a few hours of sleep then one of those munchkins isn’t going to eat while the other one eats twice!) Having the twins was only the beginning of my loss of control.

I wished for a parenting book with all the answers laid out so I knew if I was doing the right thing. That outlined how to regain the upper hand when you were outnumbered by two little munchkins who had more sleep in one day than you had in the last month.

I stressed myself out as I struggled to dress them in cute little outfits (that they immediately vomited on) and to take them out to show them off (with a entire van full of supplies for a one-hour outing) or to fit back in my pre-pregnancy clothes (Twin pregnancy=yeah right). I often felt like I was failing, until I stopped resisting.

Go With the Flow

I stopped trying to regain control and went with the flow. I stopped trying to be the perfect mom because perfection isn’t real. Despite writing fantasy and paranormal I’ve always strived to create honest, real, ordinary characters in an extraordinary world. Because when I tried to write a story without paranormal or fantasy, it felt unnatural. Once I embraced my true writing self and stopped trying to write like everyone else, my stories got better. I did the same with my girls.

I started being honest with myself about being a Mom, and with everyone else. Other moms bragged about how their kids slept all night or that they were already potty-trained. I told them the brutal truth about my struggles—and saw the change in their expression. Many were only saying what they thought people wanted to hear. They wanted to assure everyone that they were in control—when they were not. Being a good Mom takes practice, patience and admitting mistakes. I apply a similar formula when I'm writing a story.

Enjoying the Ride

My girls are 16 now and I’m proud to say that they follow the beat of their own drum and don’t try to follow the crowd. I let them have control over their life and follow their heart just like I do my characters.

Raising twin babies was hard, really hard. And writing novels is hard. Neither come with instructions, and both only become magnificent on their own when you relinquish control.

Have You Ever Had to Give Up Control? Or Do You Always Go With the Flow?

Feast your eyes on my newest 'baby', Evil Speaks Softly now available for Pre-order. 

Everyone has a story to tell. Even the dead.

They were never supposed to meet. Fame came easy for Liv by following in the footsteps of the female writers in her family. The cycle repeated for decades…until Liv changed the story. Her villain

doesn’t like the revision—and he isn’t a fictional character. In his story, the bad guy always wins.

They were never supposed to find love. Liv never questioned her demanding nocturnal muse, or the strange incidents in her old, family home until she met Gage. His job was to watch her from afar, not reveal the truth about the curse and the stories of the dead.

They’ve broken all the rules. Together they unravel secrets as they strive to stop the cycle. Liv’s ability to find love, and protect her loved ones, hangs on the fickle whims of the dead—and they’ve got nothing to lose.

Author Bio: Maureen Bonatch grew up in small town Pennsylvania and her love of the four

seasons—hockey, biking, sweat pants and hibernation—keeps her there. While immersed in writing or reading paranormal romance and fantasy, she survives on caffeine, wine, music, and laughter. A feisty Shih Tzu keeps her in line. Find Maureen on her website, Facebook & Twitter

I Can't Write Today...I've Got Cat Fur in My Keyboard with @MeganSlayer

Silly title for a blog post, eh? I think so. The sad part? It's true. I had to spend more than half an hour this morning cleaning out my keyboard because it was clogged with cat fur. Now don't get the wrong idea. I don't let the cats live on my computer. Heck, I spend a lot of time trying to get them to leave me alone while I'm writing. It doesn't work, but I try.

Like right now. I've got two cats observing everything I'm doing. Why? Because they can. The black on is extremely interested in the freshly cleaned keyboard - don't you know that's where paws are supposed to go? He's also interested in the plastic bag he keeps tapping with his tail as he swishes it. All of the while, he's staring at me. I'm not sure what he thinks I'm going to do. It's not dinner time. Won't be for at least twelve more hours. Ah... now the pen I was using to jot down notes is in my lap because said black cat chose it as a toy. I also have smaller sheets of paper I have left over from a con where I did a 'write our own story' situation. It was a fun situation and everyone had a piece of paper where they wrote five words we could use to start a story or keep it going. I had more than enough paper, so a bunch of it came home with me. I use it for notes instead of buying sticky notes. Needless to say, some get lost. But that's another story. Right now, the black cat is pushing those papers across the desk in an attempt to ensure gravity does indeed work.

And...he's proven gravity does exist.

Then there's fast orange. We named him that because well...he's not very fast and DH had a can of Fast Orange cleaner in the garage. He's more like Garfield. He sits. He observes and he's cranky. He's also going on twelve years old. Anyway, he's to my left. It's like being surrounded by Halloween - orange and black. But I digress. Back to fast orange. He's on my left chewing on a notebook. Yes, chewing on it. Why? Probably because he can. I haven't added many notes to said notebook, so it's not super vital at the moment, but when it will be...he'll be there.

I've also got a dog on the couch near the desk. She's snoring. Gagging in her reverse sneeze sort of way and passing gas. It's a real party in my office.

I didn't mention my 'office' is really a multi-purpose room containing my desk, my books and a dog couch plus various cat toys. Yeah, it's not exactly conducive to working sometimes.

With all of this said, is it no wonder sometimes that I don't get much done. I'm sure I'm not the only author with pushy critters and fur in places it doesn't belong. I can't be. But this got me thinking about shifters. When the wolf/panther/lion/etc is in his or her shifted form, they have to shed. I mean, what animal doesn't? I'd almost hate to be the author who has the lion shifter in my home and has to clean up after that shedded fur. Almost. I mean, if the lion looked like Chris Evans or James McAvoy...I might make a few exceptions.

Just sayin'.

So speaking of Shifters... here's a little about my latest shifter story, Finding His Roar:

Finding His Roar by Megan Slayer Sanctuary, Book 6Resplendence PublishingM/M, Anal Sex, MasturbationContemporary, Paranormal, Erotic RomanceNovella (130 pages)Art by Kris NorrisAn AllRomance Ebooks Bestseller!

Breaking down and asking for help could be the key to his salvation.

Chris isn’t like the shifters at Sanctuary. Born in a zoo and on the run now that he can shift, he’s looking for a place to belong. When he breaks down outside of Cambridge, not far from the Sanctuary, he thinks he’s done for. He’ll be caught, returned to the zoo or worse… He’s always been a survivor, but even Chris has demons he can’t quite outrun. He’s being hunted. He’ll need some help—if he’s willing to accept his fate.

Luke Stephens wants nothing more than to get over his ex-boyfriend. The lawyer can argue cases with ease, but not the one that mattered. That is until he meets Chris. The shifter provokes Luke and brings out his natural instinct to protect. He’s intrigued and Chris is so handsome.

Will Luke be man enough for the shifter or will the danger come between them before they can get the fire started?

Available at Resplendence Publishing

http://www.resplendencepublishing.com/m8/820-201-119-949-4--finding-his-roar-sanctuary-book-six-by-megan-slayer.html

And at Amazon

https://www.amazon.com/Finding-His-Roar-Sanctuary-Book-ebook/dp/B01GGSBPGM?ie=UTF8&qid=1464983050&ref_=sr_1_2&s=digital-text&sr=1-2

And at AllRomance ebooks

https://www.allromanceebooks.com/product-findinghisroarsanctuarybooksix-2049064-340.html

~~~~~

http://wendizwaduk.com/indexMegan.htm

Megan Slayer - It's Always Fun to Squirm

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I Hold these Truths to be Self-evident

Post originally published in February of this year.

Hello everyone. Today, I’m talking about truths and myths in writing. 2010 marks the 2nd year I’ve been writing for publication. It’s also the 2nd year that I’ve been working with editors and I have to tell you, I’ve learned some stuff.

I’m reminded of the line from Pocahontas: “If you walk the footsteps of a stranger, you’ll learn things you never knew you never knew.” Boy, I never knew I didn’t know so much about writing until I became a serious writer.

Now keep in mind, these are just things I’ve learned. Your walk might be different.

Myth 1:
“If you write about a plus-sized heroine, you’ll never get the book published.”

I find this one funny and fascinating all at once. Let’s face facts, folks. Most of us women aren’t slim. Do we wish we were? That’s debatable. Who better to write about the struggles, joys and triumphs of a chubby girl than, well, a chubby girl? Women have hips. We’ve got curves, and ya know something else? Men like it. And what’s more? These like-minded women find it refreshing to read about a curvy heroine.

Busted: A good portion of the heroines I write about have meat on their bones and I’ve found publishers for each one of them.



Myth 2:
“If you choose to go into e-publishing, you’ll shoot your career in the foot before you even start.”

Someone told me this before I’d ever signed my first contract and the advice came from a print author that’s seen pretty good success. Needless to say, I was devastated. I agonized over this conversation for weeks. In the end, I said screw it and so began my career. I may not be deemed a success by her standards, but then, the last time I checked, she wasn’t signing my paycheck. The e-pub business is a bright and shining star on the horizon. There’s never been a better time to be an e-pubbed writer.

Busted: visit my website if you don’t believe this one.



Myth 3:
“The use of ‘was’, ‘ly-words’ or ‘ing-words’ are strictly forbidden in writing today.”

Think again baby! Everything in moderation. Sure, if you have a paragraph littered with ‘ly-words’ and ‘ing-words’, it’s gonna stick out and maybe you’re weakening the impact. Reevaluate the writing. You can use these things. Don’t clog your narrative with them. Think less is more and choose your words wisely. These things are like glittering jewels. The greater frequency you use them, the gaudier your prose. Just saying.

Busted: listen to your editors. They’ll let you know when enough is enough


Myth 4:
“If you find a storyline that ‘works’, keep doing it. Just be sure to change the names and location.”

Nothing will kill a writing career or make your readers grow bored with reading your stuff faster than seeing the same thing over and over again. I know there have been plenty of times when I’ve bought a new paperback book from a best selling author or bought an e-book from big names or small that I’ve looked forward to only to get two chapters in and say “Haven’t I already read this before?” Sometimes I’ll half-heartedly scan to the end and sure enough, predictability all the way. Sometimes, I don’t finish the book. That’s sad.

Busted: Not this time. Always stay fresh in your writing. It’s vital.


Myth 5:
“Can’t figure out the plot of a story? Dump sex in it and no one will notice. You’ll sell tons!”

This may fly with some people, but readers are getting smarter about where to spend their dollars. I know I’ve been ticked off spending bucks on a book that seems to be one sex scene after the other with no “meat” in between. I need to know why the characters are doing it, what drives them, how it’s going to help or hurt their relationship, will there be something lasting afterwards. Sometimes I read a book and at the end I’m asking “What was the point of all that?”

Busted: Not this time. Think up a plot then fit the rest in accordingly. The book can still be hot, but in the end, it’s always a story. Beginning, middle, end. Period.


Myth 6:
The “you can’t do that” theory. People will tell you “you have to write darker”, “you can’t use humor in every situation”, “you can’t make your hero an xxxxx”, “if you’re not writing this way, it’s not correct”, or (my personal pet peeve) “if you read this person, you can really improve your own writing.”

My answer to this? It’s my story and I’ll write how I want to. Writing is as unique to a person as a fingerprint. You have to find your own voice and style. Don’t model someone else. Be different. Be fresh and realize truths about yourself. Sit down and find out what you really like to write. What makes you happy? For me, I’m a comedic writer. I’ll always be this way. I believe that making someone laugh can go a long way in helping through the ills of life. Can I write dark? Yes, but it doesn’t make me happy and it sounds stilted and forced. This is me. And it’s okay.

Busted: Absolutely! Don’t be someone else, because ten to one, they’re trying to be someone else, too. Find your niche and let your imagination soar. You’ll be glad you did—maybe not now but someday.


Well, thanks for reading along with me today. Do you have a myth of your own to bust or have you found a solid truth over the years? I want to hear it!

Update today: I wouldn't change a thing from this post. Everything I have up still stands. :-)

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