It’s kind of nice to be able to take a breather, to not have a deadline looming. On the other hand, I don’t know what normal people do with their time. I’m pretty much doing nothing (other than the day job). I have time to read, finally…and I don’t know what I want to read.
For as long as I can remember, I’ve had stories running constantly in the background of my mind, like a program that’s always running on your computer while you’re using other applications. It’s how I’ve always fallen asleep at night, dreaming up worlds and watching love stories play out in my head. And for the first time, I have no characters in there jostling for my attention. It’s quiet. And weird. Quite possibly, I'm depressed. But I don't really care. (Which is probably a sign that I'm depressed.)
You’d think all this existential contemplation would give me plenty of time to come up with entertaining content for blog posts, but, haha, joke’s on you.
Absent any productive ideas, I’ve been watching a lot of Murder, She Wrote. It’s different now, watching Jessica Fletcher deal with life as a published author. When I watched the show the first time around, it was my dream to be her. (I’m also much closer to Jessica’s age. Today, at Walgreens, the checker asked me if I qualified for the senior discount. Okay, so I‘ve been going gray since I was in my 30s, but at 51, I’m not ready for senior discounts yet, thanks. Or as the lovely lady on the Estroven commercial that plays constantly during my old-lady show, Murder, She Wrote, says, “I’m not ready for elastic waistbands!” Now, where was I? Oh, right; insisting that I’m not old. At any rate, I was buying this at the time, so you be the judge:
I also recently bought hair color to match. But that’s neither here nor there, I’ve been doing that for years.)
So me and the Peep (of course it's "the Peep and I," but I must admit, I like the sound of Me and the Peep; it’s a buddy cop show waiting to be written) are sitting here watching Jessica go to writers’ conferences and work on deadlines and snap at her best friend for interrupting her writing flow and put up with mansplaining dudes who belittle her genre, and I’m just nodding along. This is, in many ways, my life (minus the murders and the mad success). But I am, it seems, living the dream.
It isn’t exactly what I expected, but I edit for a steady paycheck by day and write fantastical romance by night that a few people read, and I think my teenage self would be pleased. Now if I could just snap out of this “four-poster dull torpor” and get back to making things up for strangers, that’d be grand.
6 comments:
LOL Great post, Jane. I'm amazed that you can write 3 novels a year while holding down a full-time job. Cool that you fall asleep with ideas, characters, scenes running through your head. Me, too. Is that something all writers do? I'm with you on the depression. Except I have the ideas in my head, and it bothers me that I'm depressed. So, does that mean I'm not? The winter is rough on humans. Maybe we're supposed to hibernate. I'm all for that, if I have Netflix.
A little down time never hurt anyone and at this particular time of year--not to mention this particular cultural climate--it's tricky to be creative. A friend once advised me--when I was whining about burn out and a bunch of other things--to go do something totally new which does not involve words.(She may have just been trying to get rid of me.) Paint, sew, garden, exercise, make fairy houses out of soda bottles--whatever floats your boat. Once I pulled myself out of the morass enough to actually take some form of action--it worked. Here's hoping you get your writing mojo back--if that's what you want--and that in the meantime you make some wicked good fairy houses.
I also love Me and the Peep! Could be a great story- once you're ready. Sometimes a break is just what's needed.
I advise chocolate and friends. Go somewhere and do something with someone, and eat chocolate. It really helps fight off the Dementors.
Love the pink peep. You're obviously having way too much fun to be a senior yet. Taking a break just means having a little time to find yourself, which is sometimes hard when all those characters are crowding you. It's time for a whole new group of besties, as in characters to be. Good luck!
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