Monday, April 2, 2018

A Little Halloween in April by Sorchia DuBois

It’s been a beast of a winter!  

In my neck of the woods, it’s not been a dramatic frigid, blizzardy, epic kind of winter. Not at all the kind of winter you get a t-shirt for surviving. I would have liked that.

Nope, it’s been dreary, wet, cold, depressing, and bleak. Endless days of looming clouds, muddy roads, and raw winds.

To make matters worse, a family member who shall remain nameless insists on starting my morning by giving me a quick rundown of any news I might have missed—which this year has run a gamut from the ridiculous to the tawdry to the utterly terrifying.

Before my morning tea!

But now it’s April and it’s time to snap out of it. Flowers are blooming, birds are singing, and Halloween is only 30 weeks away.

Don’t get me wrong, I love spring! It’s my favorite season and I can hardly wait to get into my garden. BUT Halloween is a passion and even in the spring, I need a little dose of it.

If you long for a quick jolt of halloweenie chills and giggles, here are a few of my favorites.

  • During the day, I don’t believe in ghosts. At night, I’m a little more open-minded. Annon.
  • By the pricking of my thumbs, something wicked this way comes. Shakespeare—in the Scottish play
  • Double, double. Toil and trouble. Fire burn and Cauldron bubble. Willie Bill again in the Scottish Play (Bad luck to say the title, you know. Generally, in relation to the stage, but why take chances?)
  • There are nights when the wolves are silent and only the moon howls. George Carlin
  • On Halloween, witches come true… Nicholas Gordon
  • A grandmother pretends she doesn’t know who you are on Halloween. Erma Bombeck
  • Every day is Halloween, isn’t it? For some of us. Tim Burton
  • Eat, drink and be scary. Author Unknown. I think I will steal this one and use it for promo this fall.

What do baby ghosts wear on Halloween? White Pillowcases.

Do zombies eat popcorn with their fingers? No, they eat the fingers separately.

What do you get when you cross a vampire and a snowman? Frostbite.

What do you call the ghost of a chicken? A poultry-geist.

How does a ghost say goodbye to a vampire? So long, sucker!

Why did the police officer let the ghost go?  He couldn’t pin anything on him.

How do ghosts keep fit? They exorcise regularly

Why do ghosts and demons get along so well? Because demons are a ghoul’s best friend.

And a couple of writing jokes to end.

How many authors does it take to change a light bulb?

1st draft. Hero changes light bulb.
2nd draft. Villain changes light bulb.
3rd draft. Hero stops villain from changing light bulb. Villain falls to death.
4th draft. Lose the light bulb.
5th draft. Light bulb back in. Fluorescent instead of tungsten.
6th draft. Villain breaks bulb, uses it to kill hero's mentor.
7th draft. Fluorescent not working. Back to tungsten.
8th draft. Hero forces villain to eat light bulb.
9th draft. Hero laments loss of light bulb. Doesn't change it.
10th draft. Hero changes light bulb.

How many mystery writers does it take to change a light bulb? Two. One to screw the bulb almost all the way in, and one to give a surprising twist at the end.

I don't know about you, but I feel better now.  Groan at my jokes or add your own in comments.


Francesca Quarto said...

This was a delightful read to start my morning at an un-godly hour before the birds remember about the worms..but that wouldn't matter anyway, since the worms are covered with an inch of snow!! Great April Fool's joke!
Thanks for your wonderful jokes too, I am still chuckling with my third cuppa!

Francesca Q.

Diane Burton said...

Loved the jokes. Made me feel better. (I'm fighting a bad cough.)

Maureen said...

I enjoyed the jokes! I love Halloween any time of the year!

sorchiadubois said...

Glad you all enjoyed! Battling winter blahs and ridiculous weather here, too.

Elizabeth Alsobrooks said...

Aw, here's a ghost hug right back! Great article, and loved the chuckles.