The first
chapter, especially page one, needs to hook the reader. At the same time, the
author wants to include information that’s necessary for the reader to understand
what’s going on. My critique partners have gotten on my case for including Too
Much Information.
“But-But,” I
protest. “The reader needs to know—”
“Uh, uh, uh,”
they say, [shaking their index fingers] “you don’t want to put them to sleep or
confuse them.”
Last week, I
took the first five pages of my WIP, a science fiction romance, to my local writers' group. The main
complaint? TMI on the first page.
Too much
background
Too many
characters
Too many
planet names
Too many
names beginning with the same letter
Guilty on all
counts. After all this time writing (over 20 years), you’d think I learned my
lesson. Nope. Critique groups (or partners) help, especially those who don’t
hold back. The comments from last week’s group made me rethink how much I
needed to include on that first page.
I like to
begin a first chapter in media res (in the middle of things). Action,
dialogue, a first sentence that makes the reader go “What!”
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My most
memorable first sentence is: Last night, I dreamt
I went to Manderley again. from Rebecca by Daphne Du Maurier. The
reader might ask: What or where is
Manderley? Why would the narrator dream about going there? What significance
does Manderley have? That
sentence has intrigued me ever since I first read the book in my early
twenties.
I found a
blog post that I wrote three years ago. I’m including parts of it here—as a
reminder to myself that I do know what to do on the first page.
The first sentence sets the tone for
the book and should make the reader ask questions.
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Here’s an example from
Marilyn Baron’s Sixth Sense: Beauregard Lee
Jackson Hale was a shit magnet.
My first question is why does he
attract shit and what kind? My second is who would saddle anyone with such a
long name? Considering the name, the setting can only be in the south.
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Here’s another example, this time from Welcome to Temptation by Jennifer Crusie: Sophie Dempsey didn’t like
Temptation even before the Garveys smashed into her ’86 Civic, broke her
sister’s sunglasses, and confirmed all her worst suspicions about people from
small towns who drove beige Cadillacs.
If I hadn’t read anything by Ms.
Crusie, I’d get a good idea from the first sentence that the story will be
humorous with a sarcastic bent. My question: why did the narrator dislike the
town even before the accident?
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This is the most absurd
thing I’ve ever done as assistant planetary agent for Loxton Galactic
Trading—standing in as a bridesmaid in a borrowed puce dress because some other
girl failed to show up. ~ Escape From Zulaire by Veronica Scott
The word “puce” gets me right away.
Something about that word conjures up Regency or Victorian times. Yet,
“planetary agent” and “Galactic Trading” tells me the story takes place in the
future. My questions: why does she have to stand in for a bridesmaid? Is it
part of her job (since she mentions it)? And why is it the most absurd thing
she’s ever done? That doesn’t sound very absurd. Is her life that mundane?
I titled that old post “Setting the
Hook.” Like fishing, the first sentence (or page) needs to attract the reader. Will
it make the reader grab that hook or swim by?
I’m off to change
that first page of my WIP.
12 comments:
You did it! I saw Rebecca and had to pop by to read the blog. I agree the first line of the book is fabulous. Not long ago, I read an article on first lines. Very interesting. I try to make mine do a good job, too.
Thanks, Vicki. Glad you stopped by. First lines are as hard (or harder) than writing blurbs or tag lines.
Those are some great first lines! And yes, they are hard to write. I look forward to reading more of your book at the next meeting.
I love a good first line! As a reader, I have to have that pull me in the story. As a writer, I sometimes find I'm so immersed in the story in my mind that I provide too much, or too little, for the reader to follow my train of thought. Great post!
Lovely.
I'm sure your new first line will be wow. Good post.
Those are great first lines. So lovely to read; so hard to write!
Here's my favorite from The Spymaster's Lady, by Joanna Bourne: She was willing to die, of course, but she had not planned to do it so soon, or in such a prolonged and uncomfortable fashion, or at the hands of her own countrymen.
Wow...some great lines there Diane and an interesting post.
Thanks for sharing
Good luck and God's blessings
pamT
I love how the first lines are called the hook because they hook the reader in. Maybe we should change them to the bait to catch the reader cause it's usually on the hook? Okay, I'm overthinking this. First lines are hard to write. Simple and true. Enjoyed your article.
JQ Rose
Love my critique partners, my 'critters'. They taught me all the things I never knew or did know but was blind to doing. Those are powerful, intriguing first sentences.
Great post! Excellent advice. It's tempting to tell readers everything in the first few pages, but it's not advisable. We all need help. I count on my critters as well!
Ouch for being guilty as charged. I just starting rewriting the entire beginning of my WIP because of ... everything.
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