Well, it’s been a helluva year. I don’t know about you, but between COVID-19, elections, hurricanes, wildfires, shootings, and everything else, I’m done with 2020. I won’t miss it or get nostalgic. I don’t want the like ever to appear again. To make sure of that, I’m going to follow a raft of New Year’s traditions to guarantee a healthy, happy, and not horrible 2021.
In Burma, splashing water on someone is considered good
luck, so I’ll start the day by waking my husband by throwing a pail of water
on him. He'll probably complain he’s not Burmese, but tough. He needs to suck it up. The other option
is to smack him on the head with an onion which is considered good luck in
Greece. I haven’t decided yet. I think I’ll keep it a surprise. Perhaps, I’ll
do both.
Residents of Johannesburg, South Africa throw appliances out
the window. No mention is made whether they call out a warning to neighbors
walking by first. In Denmark the tradition is to smash dishes on your neighbor’s
doorstep. I have the kind of neighbors that might take issue (especially if
it’s a dish I borrowed.) However, I’ll simply remind them smashed china is
better than having a smart TV heaved at your head. Danes apparently also jump
off chairs. What do they put in the water in Denmark?
In Italy, wearing red underwear is lucky. I don’t have any
red underwear, but I do have a bunch of red Christmas napkins and I’m pretty
good at origami. In Argentina, the tradition is pink underwear, so I could give
my napkins a good dose of bleach first. Thanks to COVID-19, bleach is
plentiful. Bolivians wear yellow underwear. I happen to have a pair, so I
believe I’ll wear all three for triple the good fortune. Perhaps, on my head in
Walmart as a morale booster to others. Nothing says Happy New Year better than
looking like a lunatic on a shopping spree.
Peruvians celebrate with the Takanakuy festival which is
nothing more than one big fist fight and is supposed to wipe the slate clean
for the next year. Although I suppose if I go around the neighborhood belting
people, they’re likely to complain and I’ve already broken their china.
New Year’s often involves visitors. In Scotland the first
person over the threshold is supposed to bring luck and the luckiest visitor is
a dark man with coal. I’ve emailed Idris Elba several times with an invitation
and even offered to supply the coal. I finally received a reply from his attorney
threatening legal action if I didn’t back off, but I’m sure if I explain one
more time, he’ll be here.
To top off the day, I’ll serve a sumptuous feast of
traditional lucky foods; black eyes peas (American South) served on top of
pickled herring (Poland) served on top of marzipan (Austria) served on top of
tamales (Mexico) and all covered with soba noodles (Japan). Anyone who can
survive that dinner should be able to meet 2021 head on, if they don’t end up
in the hospital with gastritis.
Happy New Year.
L. A. Kelley writes fantasy and sci-fi adventures with humor, romance, and touch of sass. Her new tradition is to stuff her face with chocolate to keep COVID away So far, it's working.
5 comments:
Thanks, I needed that good laugh! Also checking my underwear drawer. Better to leave nothing to fate! Hurry up, 2021!!
Love this! lol We just eat pork and sauerkraut for good luck here in PA - I guess I need to step up my game, and buy some underwear! Although the idea of tossing pails of water and onions at the family to start the new year is an entertaining one! lol
Hahaha! I loved this! I make a salad with black eyes peas, so this is on my list. :) Cheers to a much, much better 2021!
This is hysterical. Thank you for making me smile.
I got a much-needed good laugh out of your post, Linda. Having a sense of humor has been a necessity this year. Let's all kick 2020 to the curb and be done with it.
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