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November 19, 20, 21, 22, 23
This isn't a typical Yuletide tale.
Murder,
mystical artifacts, an invisible demon with anger management issues, and an
overbearing cupid—not what Rosalie Thatcher wished for on her Christmas list.
The holidays
had always been a magical time for Rosalie, but not this year. Her new manager at
Penrose’s Department Store is determined to make this season the most profitable in history, even if it sucks the life from every employee.
Enforcing arbitrary rules and forcing Rosalie into the stupid elf hat was the
worst until she meets a real E.L.F. (Elemental Life Form) named David and gets
lassoed into a desperate hunt for the stolen Naughty and Nice List. Now Rosalie and David must dodge a murderous
invisible demon and recover the missing artifact before hellhounds track them
down. The couple race against time for without the guidance of the Naughty and
Nice List the world will tumble into chaos.
Excerpt
Stephanie rounded the corner. She plopped a large cardboard
box down on the counter. “I’ve decided on more festive attire for the staff to
increase holiday spirit and, thereby, increase customer spending.” She pulled
off the cover. Rosalie’s mouth dropped open. “What the hell is that?”
“An elf hat, of course. It’s festive.”
“It’s butt ugly.”
Stephanie glowered. “No one asked your opinion, Rosalie. No
one cares about your opinion. Attitudes such as yours prove me right. You need
more holiday spirit.” She shoved the hat in her face. “Everyone wears one. Put
it on.”
Fashioned out of bright green felt, the cone-shaped hat had
Penrose’s written in glittery gold paint smack dab in the middle. On the pointy
top dangled a pompom the size of her fist that jingled annoyingly with the
slightest movement. The rim, trimmed with bushy fake white fur, did nothing to
offset the huge elf ears stitched in as giant flaps on either side. Rosalie
begrudgingly slipped on the hat. Immediately, her head began to sweat. The ears
itched like crazy.
Stephanie beamed. “Perfect. I told all the assistant
managers to stop by Customer Service and pick up hats for their departments.”
She turned on her heel.
“You forgot yours,” Rosalie snidely called out. Of course,
Stephanie ignored her.
****
David sunk wearily into a chair in the break room, cradling
a disposable cup in his hands. He appropriated the stale coffee from the pot
someone forgot to empty out and clean. He barely noticed the bitter taste. Ten
minute break…ten minutes was all he needed. The caffeine would keep him on his
feet another couple of hours. He rubbed his eyes, willing away the crushing
fatigue. Night after night David wandered Penrose’s four floors in a fruitless
search, pulling open boxes, checking under counters. Although the nagging pull
continued to graze his senses, The Book was nowhere to be found. He’d come no
closer to pinning down the location than when he arrived. The mystical
connection now appreciably slackened under his mental touch. David’s stomach
knotted up in fear. Soon the link would disappear forever. Something alluded
him—some special storage area, some door he hadn’t opened. Why couldn’t he find
The Book?
In frustration, David drained the last of the coffee. He
flung the cup to the wastebasket, overshot, and hit the corkboard on the wall.
A clipboard crashed to the floor. He stifled a curse. Bending down to pick it
up, his eyes strayed over the top sheet. “Motivation Memo from Stephanie
Crowder to all Employees,” he read. “Below are daily reports from Sneaky
Shoppers.” Oh brother, Stephanie is a real piece of work. She has her own
secret police. He snorted in amusement scanning the list of ridiculous
infractions.
“Now, now, Rosalie Thatcher of Customer Service,” he
muttered. “Two transgressions—you’ll never get off the Naughty List with that
attitude. Imagine, not remembering to say have a special holly jolly holly-day
at Penrose’s. I see you were also caught without an elf hat.”
Elf hat?
His lips twitched in an involuntary grin. His dad would
appreciate the joke. As David replaced the clipboard, he suddenly remembered
Rosalie. She was the girl he followed to the security office. The picture of
the young brunette with a friendly natural smile popped into his mind. A smile
like that couldn’t be faked. She liked people. She liked her job. He wondered
how she felt about Penrose’s now.
David experienced a rush of guilt. All around the atmosphere
had changed. He was super-sensitive to the yuletide. Magic in the air, holiday
spirit, whatever—there was always something indefinably optimistic about this
time of year. Even as a kid, before he understood family responsibilities, he
sensed the truth. As easily as he now sensed the diminished effect of The Book.
Whatever goodwill the season stirred up rapidly faded. Hard-working people like
Rosalie paid the price of his stupid mistake.
The young man slipped out of the break room. He had enough
time left to make one quick circuit of the first floor before staff trickled
in. He worked from the front of Penrose’s to the back corner, ending up at
Customer Service. For an instant, his spirits rose. A large box stashed
underneath the counter wasn’t there the last time he checked. He ripped off the
top, pawing through the contents. Fingering the garish green material, David
didn’t know whether to laugh or cry. The oversize ears stuck out like a genetic
experiment gone horribly wrong. The lining felt like steel wool. Had the
holiday spirit been reduced to this?
A wave of despair enveloped him. “I’m so sorry, Rosalie.” On
impulse, David reached into his pocket. He pulled out a gold-wrapped chocolate
bar saved for later, swiped from a stash hidden in the store manager’s office.
David scribbled on a sticky pad and pressed the note to the wrapper. He slipped
the candy under the counter just before a sudden murmur of voices broke the
silence. The staff had arrived. He ducked behind a rack of clothing in the back
as a girl walked up to the counter, an elf hat tucked under her arm.
“Ears, Rosalie.”
She halted in mid-stride. A sharply dressed twentysomething
in a skin tight pencil skirt swooped down on her. To get a better view, David
carefully eased back the clothes hanging in front of his face. He saw Rosalie’s
fingers clenched around the hat. He chuckled to himself. She’s pissed, but
hides her aggravation well. Sadhri would definitely approve of her
self-control.
“Stephanie,” Rosalie stated calmly, “the hats are extremely
uncomfortable. Everyone hates them.”
“Nonsense, they’re fine.”
“If you simply try one on you’ll see—”
“I don’t have to. I know they’re fine. The hats put people
in the holiday spirit and cheerful people spend more money.” Stephanie examined
her perfect French manicure. “So close to Christmas is an awful time to be out
of work.” Rosalie jammed the hat on her head without another word. “Excellent,”
cooed Stephanie. “Keep that attitude up and your name will stop appearing on
the Motivation Memo.” Without another word, she flounced off.
David knew he should dash-away. Every moment in the open was
risky, but he couldn’t take his eyes off Rosalie in the idiotic hat. What would
she do?
The young woman leaned against the counter glaring after
Stephanie. She bobbled her head back and forth and spouted in a falsetto
sing-song:
“I’m a special elf from Penrose’s
I wear the special hat
You are not a special elf
You’re a dirty rat
You don’t belong at Penrose’s
You don’t know how to play
Wiggle your tight ass out of here
Damn you, go away.”
David snorted. Rosalie stiffened and turned around.
“Who’s there?” she called
END OF EXCERPT
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L. A. Kelley writes sci-fy and fantasy with humor romance and touch of sass. She's always on the Naughty List.
