AVOIDING MIRRORS AND REFLECTIONS
by Jessica E. Subject
One writing trap I used to fall into, and I still see other authors using, is revealing a character's appearance by having them see their reflection in a mirror or window. It can be done well, especially if a character is walking down the street during a rainstorm and sees their disheveled appearance reflected back to them in a store-front window. This example uses the setting to illustrate what the character looks like in that situation. And often includes the characters reaction to their reflection. But many times, the bathroom and hallway mirror are far too convenient to show the reader the character's skin color, eye color, hair color and style, and what they're wearing.
Those convenient reflections are one thing I've learned to avoid over my 10+ years of writing for publication. As in my example above, using the setting and the character's thoughts can be used in combination with a random reflection. Using another character in the story also works. There are many ways. But the key is not to throw every detail about the character's appearance at the reader all at the same time. Multiple details at the same time work, but try to spread them out, and reveal the details in multiple different ways.
It is also important to remember that not every detail of the character's appearance needs to be revealed. As a reader myself, I like when authors leave some details about the characters for me to fill in with my imagination.
Here are some examples of how I revealed the appearances of my characters from my new release, 4 UNITED...
Eta, my point-of-view character:
“Listen.” Sakuunu rested a hand on each of our shoulders. “I get why you’re upset. I really do. But, Eta, if you stay here, you will be forced to marry a councilman. Your mother, too. Your hair is already starting to turn pink. The High Council is already watching you.” ~ Though the cover shows her with pink hair, the reader learns it wasn't always pink.
Clean and in a fresh uniform, I left the apartment with very little time before my meeting with Skyranked Rayne. ~ She gives a brief description about herself without going into detail or looking in a mirror.
Nunki:
His once full cheeks had disappeared, giving way to a wider skull and nose. His mane of hair, though a little messy, was full and dark, the way my poepa’s had been. Little wrinkles creased in the outer corners of his golden eyes, showing his disappointment at seeing me. Though his full lips told a different story, as the corner of one side curved up in a half smile. Full, kissable lips. Stars, I’d missed him so much. ~ A comparison to how he looked the last time Eta saw him.
After taking a step forward, I rested my hands on his broad shoulders and pushed to the tips of my toes so I could kiss his cheek. ~ This detail about his build is much later in the chapter.
Skyranked Rayne:
Focusing on my supervisor, I tried to figure out her mood based on the current color of her skin. Most Derinjians I’d met had green skin, except when experiencing extreme emotions. But Skyranked Rayne never seemed to hide her feelings. Strangely, she appeared a bit yellow. Perhaps a little gray, too. Did that mean she was nervous? Then, very quickly, her skin turned bluish-green. Stars, what was she hiding? Had I gotten a complaint at my last assignment? ~ Gives some information about the people from Derinj along with Eta guessing why her boss called for a meeting based on the color of her skin.
Qamar:
The guy I’d seen in the photo waited for me. The one assigned to be my shagard. In the picture, I hadn’t seen any resemblance to the boy I once knew. But in person, when he smiled, I recognized him instantly. His deep dimples, almost like pockets, still appeared when he smiled, though his facial scruff shadowed them. And after so many star cycles, he still hadn’t lost his look of wide-eyed wonder. ~ Once again, comparing a character's appearance to their younger self as well as to a photo.
Deyal:
I glanced beyond the hovercar to see Deyal zooming toward us on her electric hoverboard. Her dark-brown hair, tied up in a tight hair tail, flapped behind her. Sometimes she dyed it pink to look like the other females on Ma’an, and other times she preferred to avoid the attention. Though lately, with the High Council easing their restrictions of information from beyond the planet, she’d been researching her mother’s heritage, often wearing her hair in rolls and braids as her mother would have styled it. ~ Showing a character's appearance while in motion and also revealing other information about the character as well as the setting.
Sakuunu:
I reached out to hug him, and he pulled me tight against his chest. While he wasn’t as wide as Qamar, he stood taller, with a solid frame. ~ Comparing one character to another.
Multiple characters at once:
A lump formed in my throat at the sight of them, faces gaunt and dirty, manes dull and matted, and their grimy clothing barely covering any of their bodies. My anger at Chairman Oxe rose more than I thought possible. ~ Revealing Eta's reaction to seeing their appearance.
4 UNITED by Jessica E. Subject
Why would I ever return to Ma’an?
My moema and I escaped from the planet star cycles ago, to avoid her being forced to remarry after my poepa’s passing. I grew up well far away from there, not worrying about being betrothed to some government official just to bear his children. And now I work for the Universal Space Racer Association, traveling all over the quadrants to decide whether new teams meet the qualifications to join.
I never expected to be on a shuttle, heading back to Ma’an. The new chairman of Ma’an and the USRA assured me I’ll be allowed to leave at the end of my evaluation of the planet, but I have my doubts. I can’t even get out of the assignment. Trust me, I’ve tried.
At least I’ll be able to see more of Deyal, my only family member still alive. Plus, my best friend is convinced the three childhood friends I left behind are my fated mates, two of which are on the team, and the other is my shagard. I’m not ready to commit to one person, let alone three. And polyamorous relationships were banned on the planet long before my birth. But the three of them have grown from the cute boys I remember into sexy strangers.
It’s too bad I have a rule to never sleep with the racers I’m inspecting.
4 United is the first book in Jessica E. Subject’s sweet and spicy Kaddim Brothers spinoff series, Romance Tales from the Quadrants. 4 United features Eta, who escaped Ma’an with her moema just as her hair was starting to turn pink, her three childhood friends who grew up to be very sexy men, an unexpected assignment, fated mates, true love, and other family and friends getting involved to make sure the four of them get their happy ever after. If you like MMMF relationships, second chances at love, friends to lovers, and fated mates, read 4 United today.
6 comments:
Love the casually woven details that give the reader a behind the words look at the character. Descriptions have come a long way since I started out, when you did an info dump on each character as they appeared in the story. My favorite technique was my first Sandra Brown novel where she never described the characters until the end of the book so you didn't know they were from different ethnic groups.
Great examples, Jess. You do a good job showing the character as well as their descriptions. I never liked the info dump Nancy talked about. Too many details that I couldn't remember anyway. I like them spread out and only added when necessary for a plot point.
Thank you, Nancy! Yes, the way we tell a story has definitely changed! Oh, Sandra Brown has an awesome way of describing characters! Could be a surprise for some readers, too.
Thanks so much, Diane! I don’t remember anything from infodumps either. And that's exactly the way I like descriptions added, too!
What wonderfully sneaky way of introducing the character and his or her looks at the same time without the info dump. You've done it so well here, I'm envious. I hope a lot of new writers read this post. Thanks, Jessica.
Thank you so much, Linda! It's definitely something I've learned over the years, not something that I knew how to do right away. And as Nancy mentioned, making note of how other authors add in character descriptions can definitely help. Writing is definitely a learning process. I'm still learning new things all the time.
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